In the chaotic world of sports, one thing has become glaringly clear: the USA women’s basketball team, despite their habit of crushing opponents like bugs underfoot, has somehow become as interesting as watching paint dry. And the culprit? The absence of Caitlin Clark, the sharpshooting sensation who can make a basketball sing.
While A’ja Wilson and her crew have been busy turning the 2024 Olympics into a highlight reel of “Look how good we are,” the excitement levels have dropped faster than the hopes of anyone who bets against them. The team’s dominance is so predictable, it’s almost like watching a scripted reality show—minus the drama, tears, or even a single table flip.
Enter Doug Gottlieb, the head coach of the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay Phoenix and part-time fortune teller, who has publicly declared that the current USA women’s team is about as interesting as a soggy sandwich. On his show, Gottlieb didn’t mince words, pointing out that the absence of Caitlin Clark has made the team’s games about as thrilling as watching a rerun of last year’s Super Bowl halftime show (you know, the one everyone forgot).
“If the selection committee could hit the reset button, they’d throw Caitlin Clark in there faster than a ref calling a travel,” Gottlieb mused. “It’s not like the U.S. is losing. They’re still going to crush everyone in their path, but without Clark, they’ve turned the Olympics into background noise. The kind you put on when you need a nap.”
But let’s be real—Clark isn’t just a player; she’s the kind of athlete who makes fans actually want to watch a full game instead of just checking the final score. The rookie sensation who turned the WNBA upside down with her jaw-dropping performances at Indiana Fever has a way of making basketball look like an art form, instead of the routine pummeling the USA team has been dishing out.
As Gottlieb pointed out, the exclusion of Clark has led to the kind of media attention that can best be described as… well, nonexistent. “We’re back to treating women’s basketball like it’s 1995—barely a blip on the radar. And who’s to blame? The selectors who thought leaving Caitlin Clark off the roster was a good idea. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.”
Sure, Team USA is still the powerhouse it’s always been. They’ll probably stroll to their eighth consecutive gold medal like they’re out for a Sunday jog. But the real tragedy is what could have been—a dynamic, must-watch team that had people setting reminders on their phones, instead of scrolling past the Olympic coverage like it’s an ad for off-brand cereal.
As for Caitlin Clark, she’s handling the snub like a pro. In fact, she seems to be using it as fuel for her already blazing fire. “Honestly, no disappointment,” Clark said, with the kind of cool confidence that makes you wonder if she’s secretly plotting world domination. “It just gives you something to work for. You know, that’s a dream. Hopefully, one day I can be there. It’s just a little more motivation.”
For now, fans itching to see the 2024 Rookie of the Year frontrunner will have to wait until August 16th when the Fever pick up where they left off. Until then, the Olympics will carry on, a parade of predictable victories for the USA, and a glaring reminder of what could have been—a series of games that were actually worth watching.
