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The WNBA offseason is upon us, and there’s something in the air… desperation. With seven head-coaching vacancies across the league, some teams are rolling out the red carpet, and others, well, are just hoping someone shows up at all. So which team is the top prize for any coach with a pulse and a game plan? Spoiler alert: It’s not the Connecticut Sun. Here’s the breakdown of the hottest (and not-so-hot) spots for clipboard-wielding hopefuls.
1. Indiana Fever: The Caitlin Clark Effect™
Let’s be real: The Indiana Fever’s coaching gig is the golden goose. Why? Because they have Caitlin Clark, the basketball phenom whose mere presence elevates the team’s desirability. If you’re a coach and get a chance to work with Clark and rookie sensation Aliyah Boston, you’re basically living in a sports fantasy. Throw in some veteran leadership from Kelsey Mitchell, and you’re looking at a playoff-bound squad faster than you can say, “Where do I sign?”
But, oh wait—it’s probably not even open. Stephanie White, who moonwalked out of Connecticut (more on that later), seems like a shoe-in for the job. She’s from Indiana, she’s already been there, and Fever fans still hang her old jerseys on their walls. It’s like trying to steal the bride on her wedding day—good luck with that.
2. Washington Mystics: The House Elena Built… Kind Of?
Washington Mystics might sound like a dream job—if you ignore the fact that it’s one of those “fixer-uppers” that looks cute in pictures but has termites in the basement. With Elena Delle Donne possibly contemplating the twilight of her career and Natasha Cloud already setting sail for new horizons, the Mystics are in major rebuild mode.
However, it’s D.C. and they’ve got resources. There’s a history of commitment to women’s basketball, and the organization wants to build through the draft. So if you’re a coach who’s into long-term projects (like a house flipper but for basketball teams), this could be your HGTV moment.
3. Chicago Sky: Built on Cardoso’s Shoulders… Literally
The Chicago Sky job is like a shiny new toy—fresh, exciting, and maybe a little fragile. Angel Reese, Kamilla Cardoso, and Chennedy Carter headline a roster so young that you’ll probably need to explain the Y2K panic to them. But that’s a good thing, right? Youth equals potential. The only problem? They fired Teresa Weatherspoon after just one season, so maybe don’t get too attached to the corner office just yet.
Oh, and did we mention their $38 million practice facility? That’s enough to make you overlook a few red flags—like a GM who didn’t hire you and might show you the door before your housewarming party.
4. Los Angeles Sparks: L.A. is Nice, But the Pressure? Not So Much
Coaching the Los Angeles Sparks sounds like a dream job if you enjoy walking a tightrope over a pit of hungry lions. L.A. loves a winner, and if you don’t deliver, they’ll remind you with more side-eye than a reality TV reunion. Poor Curt Miller barely had a healthy roster to work with for two seasons, and still, he got the boot.
That said, the Sparks have Cameron Brink and Rickea Jackson, and—wait for it—a shot at the No. 1 draft pick. It’s L.A., baby! Everyone wants to play here. Just make sure you pack a parachute with your sunscreen.
5. Atlanta Dream: A Rhyne Howard Mystery
The Atlanta Dream is the WNBA equivalent of that friend who always makes questionable life choices, but you still hope they get it together someday. They’ve got Rhyne Howard, a bona fide star who should be the cornerstone of the franchise. And yet, the Dream spent last season drafting players who were literally overseas and couldn’t contribute. You can’t make this stuff up.
The good news? Former coach Tanisha Wright was given three seasons, so at least you won’t be immediately dumped after your first dinner date with the team. But can you turn the Dream into a reality? Stay tuned.
6. Dallas Wings: Eight Coaches in 14 Years—What Could Go Wrong?
The Dallas Wings are like that relationship where your friend says, “I’m sure this time it’ll work out,” even though they’ve had more coaches than Kardashian weddings. Latricia Trammell managed to get the Wings into the second round of the playoffs, something they hadn’t done since 2015. Her reward? A pink slip, naturally.
To add to the fun, free agents Satou Sabally and Natasha Howard have already packed their bags. So if you’re the next coach in Dallas, don’t get too comfortable. Actually, don’t unpack at all.
7. Connecticut Sun: Where Even the Kids’ Birthday Parties Get Priority
Oh, Connecticut. What can we say about a team that shares its practice space with bounce houses? The Sun has always punched above its weight, but that’s a tough sell when your core players are walking out the door and the biggest event in town is a toddler’s birthday bash.
Sure, they’ve been successful in recent seasons, but Uncasville, Connecticut, isn’t exactly a free agent’s dream. And if you’re a coach with any serious ambitions, how do you feel about having to fight for gym space with kids hyped up on cake and ice cream?