Rio de Janeiro – Just when you thought the fervor around Taylor Swift’s record-smashing Eras Tour couldn’t get any more insane, the pop supernova dropped a bombshell video message that has Swifties everywhere convulsing with unbridled hysteria!
Yes, even as she conquers stadiums across the globe, Tay made sure to take a moment and share a truly EPIC, no, make that MIND-BLOWINGLY EPIC surprise with her beloved fans. And let’s just say, the internet is currently having a complete and total meltdown over it.
The frenzy kicked off when Swift, resplendent in one of her trademark dazzling bodysuits, popped up during Monday’s episode of Dancing with the Stars to hype the show’s upcoming “Taylor’s Version” theme week. “OMG YOU GUYSSSS! I just HAVE to sayyyy…” the 33-year-old began, instantly reducing millions of Swifties worldwide to aimlessly quivering puddles of goo.
In the whiplash-inducing clip, Taylor first expressed her gushy gratitude at DWTS paying tribute to her with an entire Eras-themed evening. “I so wish I could be there to see what you and the ahhhh-mazing choreographers like my pal Mandy Moore have put together!” she squealed, eyes shimmering with what appeared to be either tears of joy or the latest moonstone body glitter.
But then, Jay-sus take the wheel! Swifties’ hearts stopped beating altogether when Tay launched into the big surprise: “I’m actually going to fly in for the show and PERFORM A BRAND NEW SINGLE LIVE!” the beaming superstar shrieked, instantly defiating what was moments before the world’s loudest cacophony of unrelenting shrieks.
Yes, the one and only Taylor Swift is going to grace the Dancing with the Stars stage and debut fresh material amid routines honoring her Eras Tour productions. It’s the kind of double-bari-cross-latte-no-whip reveal that would’ve made Swifties implode into a gaseous mist if they hadn’t already been reduced to soulless husks by her opener.
As one might expect, the myriad contingents of Tay’s feverish fanbase took the news in dramatically divergent ways. Among the instant reactions blowing up social media:
“OMG IS THIS EVEN REAL LIFE ANYMORE?!?! VACANCY AT THE MIAMI VOIDDDDD!!!!!” (via @ShakeItOfficial13)
“Miss Thing really just committed a federal crime against my edges and ovaries, didn’t she?” (@NoItsLiterallyCorbyn)
“Whelp, time to remortgage my wig and find the nearest scalp bank cause Taylor just in-Carly-Klossed me WITHOUT CONSENT!!!!” (@RipTaylorsWigs)
“Checking into the bedlam, who’s joining me?” (@SwiftSanityLost)
And perhaps capturing the feral mood most pithily: “DNFJSKDDFUICXWBIWK!!!!!!” (@EndgameTaylurKing)
Intense doesn’t even begin to describe the pandemonium – online or otherwise. Hospitals across the globe reported admitting untold legions of Swifties suffering from severe delirium, shortness of breath, whiplash, egg-ferentiation, and a rare psychological condition termed “Cruel Summer Psychosis” by mental health experts.
Meanwhile, ticketing sites like StubHub have been crashing repeatedly under the sheer onslaught of DWTS reshuffles as every livid Swiftie scrambles to score seats for what’s sure to be a historic event. Some fans have even started crowdfunding to rent out entire banquet halls where they can project feeds onto every wall in hopes of transcending spatial boundaries during the blessed unveiling.
But while anticipation builds to a feverish purple haze, there’s still one crucial detail we have yet to learn: what song is Taylor going to debut?! Speculation runs rampant that it could be the first taste of her re-recorded Karma album, or perhaps a vaultrah track leftover from her universally-adored Folkmore period?
Only one thing’s for certain – when Taylor Swift takes that stage and blesses the world with the newest,
