Sunday, May 26, 2024

Outrage! Tesla Fires Dedicated Worker Who Slept on the Job to Make Elon Musk Proud

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Elon Musk’s massive EV machine Tesla has landed itself in a pretzel twist after footage surfaced of them giving the ole heave-ho to a die-hard worker who went miles beyond the extra mile. We’re talking sleeping in his whip and hosing off in the factory showers just to be Johnny-on-the-spot for the big bosses.

The Pup Who Wouldn’t Quit Meet Nico Murillo, a former floor manager at Tesla’s main plant out in Fremont who got treated like a rescue dog after panting loyalty for half a decade. This pup didn’t just roll over and play dead though – dude was crashing in his sedan between shifts to skip the commuter chaos. Talking lobster tails zapped in the break room microwave and bird baths right on the production line, that’s how far he took it.

But did Murillo’s undying dedication earn him any brownie points when Elon’s email axe came swinging? As if.

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The In-Tray Indignity After logging in atarn the crack of dawn on April 15th looking to get leashed up for another long stint, Murillo’s account got put down quicker than you can say “vicious restructuring.” The poor pup didn’t even get a lady and the tramp night at the vet’s office before getting zapped with the cold code-red message:

“Hey there Sparky! Hate to break it to ya, but your Scooby Snacks have been discontinued. Restructuring and all that, woof woof.”

By the time Murillo dutifully trottedinto the factory slobbering for answers, security was already shooing him off the lot like a pesky rodent. Harsh.

Murillo’s Pibble Takes the Tube Despite getting treated like the runt of the litter after years of unconditional love, this trooper somehow kept his perspective. “Woken up at 4:30am to a deactivated laptop and by 5am an email saying my position has been eliminated,” he tweeted, recounting the cold dose of reality with a stiff upper snout.

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In a heartfelt LinkedIn shower-cry, the downtrodden pup went full Lassie, recapping his life of indentured service with tragic nobility:

“Sacrificed a lot for the company…sleeping in my car to avoid commuting…showering at the Factory…microwaving dinners in the break room…Half a decade! But this is just a chapter ending from a good book still being written. Only 29 here, plenty zoomies left in me!”

The Pack Howls Back Unsurprisingly, Murillo’s tale of mistreated fealty had the whole doggie park up in arms. His fave frisbee mate Andrea Adams was first to lick his wounds, gushing “You demonstrated exceptional qualities, not just making ZBONE4-5 a success but leaving paw prints on everyone!”

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Masses of mutt-lovers piled on with a deafening arooooo-gree, calling Tesla to the carpet for its canine cruelty. “Have some gosh-darned decency!” howled one virtual protester, while another bluntly bared “Don’t pee where you eat – companies aren’t fambly.”

The Pups of the Roundtable For its part, the Puppy Parliament over at Tesla has stayed typically tight-lipped, no doubt gnawing on some crisis comms strategy. But bruised pup Murillo seems determined to take the high-road, simply resolving to “find a new forever home where I’m valued.”

And valued he shall be, hopefully at an organization with a little more snarl for loyalty than poor putrid Musky’s machine. Because if even our snausage-snorfing slobber-butts don’t stand for faithfulness anymore, lordyloo what is this wretched world coming to?

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Mezhar Alee
Mezhar Alee
Mezhar Alee is a prolific author who provides commentary and analysis on business, finance, politics, sports, and current events on his website Opportuneist. With over a decade of experience in journalism and blogging, Mezhar aims to deliver well-researched insights and thought-provoking perspectives on important local and global issues in society.

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